Fairwell blogger.

This site will no longer be updated; we can now be found here. Instead of a shout box, we now have a vBulliten based forum which can be found here.

We also have several new writers: Welcome Clark and Travis.

Echochrome Tech Demo on your PC

While it may only be a tech demo for the PC (the real deal is coming to the PS3/PSP), you can still use it to kill a few hours.
http://www.nhk.or.jp/digista/blog/works/20070517_fujiki/index.html

Our new site will be: Yournewhaircut.com

Japan's Viral Advertising is better than ours

Symantec's Norton anti-virus is personified as an ass kicking robot in Japan.

The action packed finale:

Pleo, I want you

I didn't want to make any new posts until we move to our new site at its-a-trap.org but I found this video hilarious. Anyone want to buy me a Pleo for my birthday?

[Pleo Torture]

Portal Papercraft!

The next 45 minutes of my life will go into reproducing this awesome papercraft. Pics coming soon. Click through for the pattern. [Tubbypaws]

Fail Cat

I know I've posted a lot of embedded videos but this one is hilarious.

AOL? More like BS-OL.

AOL pushes liberal bias to the next level.

Does it Blend?

The Blendtec Blender has met its match--Chuck Norris.

BREAKING NEWS: THE MOST POPULAR THINGS ON WIKIPEDIA ARE SEX, RAP AND NAURTO!

Be afraid America. Be very afraid.

[Good God, Wikipedia]

Yugioh The Funny Version

Im in ur Verizon, misquotin' ur ratez.

Ohhh, Verizon. With T-Mobile I have my unlimited EDGE on my iPhone for $5.99/month. And I actually know how much I'm paying.

Half Life in 60 Seconds

Too true. Epic spoilers I suppose.

Epic LULZ

Courtesy of Fox News. Thanks guyz.

David Hayer MGS4 Interview

LOTR, IRC Style

Found it on my computer... Written by an admin of Allakhazam if memory serves me right. LOTR: Fellowship of t3h ring" as it would be in the late 90s, ie CS1.6 (damn kids and their CS:S!) and IRC lingo. I doubt kids these day even know what IRC is. Damn youngins. Keep off my lawn.

F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng
[At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]
Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: "Pwned!"


Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: "***!?"

[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
Bilbo: "ok"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire

**Later
Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
Frodo: "***?"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire

[At Isengard]
Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
Gandalf: "***?!"
Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: "Pwned!"

[on the road to Bree]
Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
Frodo: "Ph34r!"
Sam: "Shrooms!"
Frodo: "PH34R!1!1″
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"

[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"

[at Weathertop]
Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!
Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"

**the black riders attack
Merry: "OMG!!!"
Sam: "O.M.G!!!11″
Pippin: "***"
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "***… hax!"
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "

[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"
Sam: "teh leet Hax0r "
Arwen: "Firewall?"

**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: "Pwnt"

[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: "**sigh, noob"

[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
Frodo: "sif!"
Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"

[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1″
Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"

[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
Boromir: "GL HF"
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: "gg"

[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"

**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well
Gandalf: "teh bookz0r has some clues!"
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
Merry: "d'oh"
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: "***?"
Aragorn: "***?"
Frodo: "…"
Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: "OMG! h4x!"
Gimli: "pwned"!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: "lol!!"
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: "Foos!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo
Sam: "OMG!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks
Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "AIMBOT!"
ork: "turn it off!"
Legolas: "lolol!"
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
Balrog: "***?"
Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
Balrog: "Sif, noob"
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight
Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: "D'oh"
Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected

[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1″

[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
uruk hai: "leet!"

[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him
Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ** hax can fight teh boss!"
Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
Frodo: "STFU noob"
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"

**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: "****ing campers"
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"
Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: "Damn lag!"
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: "FFS!"

[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
Sam: "Sif!"
Frodo: "Oh, ffs n00b!"

3Nd!!!!11

Le France

When going for the gold, the French have a different training strategy.

The most awesome article you will read today.

Zomg Zombies. That's right, I used an alliteration with the "Z" sound.

And on another not so living-dead note: this is our 100th blog post, congratulate us.

Face The Facts Columbus

Pikachu's Vagina

How not to fire a Javelin

The French army teaches us how to not fire an anti-tank weapon.

MGS4 English Demo HD Capture

An HD capture of a skillful player playing through the MGS4 demo for EFA.
Above: Part 1 normal res

HD Capture Part 1/4
HD Capture Part 2/4
HD Capture Part 3/4
HD Capture Part 4/4

BREAKING NEWZ: DUMBLEDORE IS GHEY

Here's where we link to a reputable news source.

Umm....PART 2!!

Heres the elephant in question : -_-

Um...

Digg often perplexes me

insert lolcat joke here

Mind control your cat without the mind part.

MS "I-Pod" parody

I know it's old but it's still comical.

The Manliest Commercial evar.

RIP X-Show... '99-'01

Left or right brained?

Are you primary left or right brained?
http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,22492511-5005375,00.html

I initially saw it spinning clockwise but after reading the text it appeared to be spinning counter-clockwise... after a little training I can make it spin either way.

A Different Perspective #3

We overly compressed the inserted font to match the rest of the comic. Enjoy. Original here.

Hey There Savvy Shopper!

A site that aggregates coupons based on user submitted codes. It is a must visit before you buy anything on the internet, thats right anything!! All you do is input the name of the store and it automatically brings up a bunch of user submitted coupons that are organized based on success rate. This site has been all over the internet, so if you don't already know about it your probably a semi-retarded blind man who spends most of his time picking scabs in the damp, smelly cave he calls his home.

RetailMeNot.com

Lets Set Some Things Straight

Hrumph! I would like to begin with the tale of how the post of the below HALOID video came to be: I saw it a little less than a year ago, and I recently watched it again, and posted it because I thought it was still cool and worth refreshing. It has been brought to my attention that reposting regurgitated Internet phenomenon’s is not O.K. with our general viewers and I will take that into consideration.


Secondly, less than 15% of our page views come from Chunk-O-Paper, according to Google Analytics. So the referrals didn’t exactly revolutionize our traffic, although it did give it a much appreciated nudge in the right direction. We love you Chunk-O-Paper!

Thirdly, we get roughly 25 page views a day on average and only 50% of these page views are from the general Marin area. Additionally, just because people look at this site for an average of 2.7 minutes does not mean they have the rabid urge to vomit all over our shout box.

The Coolest Cure For Cancer

Moar Halo 3 stuffz

Have You Austin?

Last weekend I was teabagged for the first time in Halo 3. I was also told by my opponents, in the match countdown, that they wanted too "poon my poontang". Lets have a moment of silence for my innocence.

Slick BSOD appearance in Halo 3

Pretty self explanatory... BSOD in Win95 and 98

/halo theme song

I picked up my copy of Halo 3 at Costco today and I have to say that it is quite the awesome game. I didn't really know what to expect considering I loved the original Halo while I loathed its sequel. I've only played for about 2 hours but they were packed with awesome. Elites are terrifying, seriously. There are a few things that tick me off, however. First being that if you die, you respawn with different weapons and when you passed the checkpoint; sometimes if you die and you don't have a sniper rifle, you'll need to get lucky and kill the sniper or run around and let Arbiter snipe the enemy sniper. There are enemy snipers everywhere... everywhere. Seriously, everywhere.

More Halo stuff tomorrow.

New Ipod Review Roundup!

Thinking about once again immersing yourself in the consumerist flood of apple products? Well with this review roundup of all apples new products you ll be sure to make the right decision. Actually, considering apple will be releasing new ipods in about 6 months there really is no right choice...

Ipod Touch(Keep in mind the earlier screen issues have been corrected):

{Read} Ilounge
{Read}Gizmodo
{Read}PCMag
{Read}Cnet

Classic:

{Read}Ilounge
{Read}PCMag
{Read}Cnet

Nano:

{Read}Ilounge
{Read}Zdnet.com
{Read}PCmag.com
{Read}Gizmodo.com
{Read}Cnet

Remember our review on the ipod touch will be out in less than a week!!!

Creppiest thing you'll see for a few weeks

Words cannot describe the terribleness of this link. Not for the weak-hearted, borderline NSFW.

http://www.motionportrait.com/about/TIdog.swf

A Different Perspective #2

After debating for awhile on whether to release this "not-as-funny-and-not-as-anti-semitic" redub of Chunk-o-Paper's second comic, we decided to anyway.

[Original]

A Different Perspective #1

Now you can laugh twice at Chunk-O-Papers comic with our redubbed version.

[Original]

Scriblink

Come show use your drawing skills at http://www.scriblink.com/.
It's a "public white board"; come draw nonphallic objects. When you click the link, type in "Chris" as the name.

Comic 1

In competitive spirit, we too, have made a comic.

(6:07:39 PM) LaSporgenza39: haha, stfu, make a better comic
(6:07:42 PM) Got Milk is Cool: and Nathaniel's face srsly creeps me out
(6:07:48 PM) Got Milk is Cool: We will!
(6:07:52 PM) LaSporgenza39: hahaha, nice

Donkey Kong + Jackass

Many lulz and much awesomeness ensures.

I Made This Comic, And It Is Very Funny

The Halo 3 Howdown

Grab your banjo, straw hat, your favorite flavor of Halo 3 branded Mountain Dew, sit down, watch and enjoy!

Root Canals=Re-Watching "Love Actually"

First they put on a shitty movie, typically you have three choices: Documentary, Corny Old Film, or Disney Classic. If you pick the documentary, you're a douche, picking the corny old film would make you an asshole, and if you pick the Disney classic-- lets just not go into that(You Cant Fucking Win) . Then they proceed to jab a needle into your gum. Then they do it again and again and again. After its firmly inserted into your tender tissue they wiggle it, and push extra hard, just to make sure you as uncomfortable as possible. Then they leave you...this is the part where you're probably thinking that you would have been better off taking lethal doses of Advil for the rest of your miserable life.
Right as you're about to make a mad dash for the window, the doctor enters. He oozes bullshit, you can see it dribble out of his pores and onto the floor. He then says you name, shakes your hand and proceeds to word-vomit all over your face about how fun the ensuing procedure will be! You know hes lying but some slow, pathetic part of you cerebrum wants to believe its true. Then he takes out a large plastic thing and clamps it onto your mouth, the situation is rapidly devolving into that torture scene from Dune. Then he takes out the needles, those terribly symmetrical beasts. At two inches long and less then a mm wide they look like something that the Terminator would use to eviscerate your fucking eye.
The next part is unpleasant. Very unpleasant. The abridged version: As the needles get longer, the amount of blood pooled up in your mouth increases. After dangling the impaled pulpy inside of you tooth in front of you for nearly an hour he asks if you're O.K. Why did he do that? I will never know, it seems not to occur to people in dentistry that when you have a 6 inch piece of plastic that bears a strange resemblance to the car gasket in your mouth, speaking becomes difficult.
Finally you get up, half you face is bloated and you feel like shit. You try to smile but some drool escapes the left side of you mouth and plops into the floor. You want nothing more than to take the big sucky tube and jam it up the dentist ass, but that is impossible in your current narcotic induced state of mind. Instead you give another goofy smile to the receptionist and as you stumble out the door she reminds you that you shouldn't even think about eating for the next 6 hours or else you'll bite you tongue off.

The best shit in life is free shit

Wow... EA giving back and not doing something doucy... but knowning EA it won't run or install. Anti-EA remarks aside, go relive an awesome game! You may have to go through a few extra steps to get it to run but the original C&C is worth it!

"Deutschland's finest!"

In order to give back to the fans for over 12 years of devotion we are putting together a 12th Anniversary celebration during the month of September. However, as any Command & Conquer fan knows, the true party starts today, August 31st, which marks 12 years since the original Command & Conquer launched way back in 1995.

To kick the celebration off, today we have a special surprise which we are certain new and old Command & Conquer fans will enjoy. We are providing the original Command & Conquer as a free download, compatible for Windows XP! This is the same version included with the collectors pack Command & Conquer: The First Decade, and is now available for you to download for free!

Check it out here!

Scammer gets PWN'd

1.)
2.)
3.)

"stupid ass u cant hack or nuthin... i got norton"

Meet the next new, big, badass, web comic

From the badasses that brought you unknown stuff and more unknown stuff, comes a (triweekly?) webcomic with action, romance and lulz. It will be an intriguing and interesting comic, and they're also good friends of ours. And if you don't like the content, then just click on some ads.

[Chunk-o-Paper]

Awesome

Ever wish your DS' screens were larger? This guy did.

His uninspiring Comcast hosted site.

Spongebob Innuendo

Good god Nickelodeon; think of the children!

So You Have Something Else To Stare At Besides The Retard Post Below

The above comic is from Wondermark.com, which is number 3 on my list of "Best Internet Webpages 4 Ever". Thats right, this is the third best internet web page and I recommend you check it out because it is going to be a while before i release the other four. These are on the more mature side of the web comic spectrum, so all you vgcat readers might need to prep with at least 5 minutes of Brain Training and a Dickens book before venturing to this sites hallowed domain.

How to hack a cell phone to recieve police transmitions

Pretty self explanatory... please try and post the results.

Fulfilling Your Yen For Cultural Discussion

0_0...click me

This Evening In Adorable Critters #1

Yes every week I will update this blog with new adorable critters so you will be, for a short time, distracted and so forget to dwell upon whatever physical deformations you possess. And if you find post about baby monkeys arbitrary and immature then maybe you should come to the realization that your cynical criticisms on post regarding the attractiveness of small animals are directly related to you being a total asshole and having no friends.

TIMMY!

"These children want to paint. There are only two paintbrushes."
Timmy must share.

If Ashton Kutcher Was A Social News Site

Wow, DIGG wow, you have outdone yourself. Over many months i have witnessed arbitrary news articles, liberal propaganda, stupid cat pictures, and iphone vomit but never have seen something so abrasive, as this. Digg it surprises me that you actually specialize in ignorant, knee-jerk reactions.

I think it's best sums it is digg user by anarchytv:


"wow... digg users are complete assholes. a woman loses two of her kids, in serious wreck that probably injures her and the rest of her kids too, and all you people can do is want to string her up and execute her? are you people royally out of your mind? santimonious son of a bitches all of you...

in life we do a lot of things at the drop of a moment that we don't know why.... you don't know shit about what was going through her mind at the time, with four screaming kids in the back seat, one maybe that had to use the bathroom real bad, another that was late for soccer practice, or she was late for work, or her abusive husband who kept her on a short leash was giving her hell for being around town and not back at home in the kitchen. you don't know shit. and you're so damn ready to scream for blood.

humanity just so throughly disgusts me... wait until some truely bizarre shit happens to you, destroys your life forever, and to add on top of that, some lynch mob wants to slander you and string you up by the neck. the woman lost two of her children, that alone is devastating beyond belief. if there is a god, may he/shit/it judge you, as harshly as you judge others..."

Vulgar Piano

Use your imagination.

Call of Duty 4 Beta

Disclaimer, this was written late at night/in the morning and it riddled with grammatical blasphemies, has small, simple words, no beginning or ending. Feel free to point out errors in the comments.

Gameplay is where Call of Duty 4 shines the most. Veterans of the previous installments in the series know that the COD series strives for Hollywood-realism and the newest installment doesn't disappoint. The dozen or so weapons available in the beta are balanced and nuanced in every way. Assault Rifles such as the M4 or AK47 can shoot through wood and other thin materials while heavier weapons like the SAW and sniper rifles can even penetrate thicker surfaces such as cement and sandbags; this brings cover to a whole new level of extreme. The beta currently has four different types of games, "Team deathmatch," "Free-for-all," "Team Tactial" and "Team Objective." "Team deathmatch" and FFA consist of 12 players (or 6 per team) and the player or team with the most points is the victor. In "Team Tactial," two teams of 2-3 players try to plant a bomb or defend the bomb site with no respawns(ala Counter Strike). These games are very nerve racking and intense, unlike larger skirmishes, the success of your team is a product of your skillz and ability to work as a team. "Team Objective" comes in a large scale version of "Team Tactial" and CTF flavor.

You can customize your weapons with unlockable camos and attachments such as suppressors and scopes. While (at least in the beta) you can't customize the physical appearance of your soldier you have three different "perks". While you naturally have your generic traits such as increased damage and increased health, COD4 introduces several innovative perks including "Last Stand". If your soldier is "killed" with last stand, you instead fall to the floor, whip out your pistol and try to take your assailant down with you. You also receive double points for kills when you dispatch a hostile this way. To level up, you need experience points and depending on the game type, you get between 5-50 experience points per kill not to mention other points for completing objectives and winning. After about five hours of play I reached the max rank for the beta, which is 16; the final game will have enough ranks to you occupied.

The graphics have a very smooth feel due to the fact that it run in a beautiful 60fps. Motion blur, bloom and focusing effects make "jaggy edges" almost nonexistant. Textures aren't nearly as sharp as in Gears of War but but the whole "blurrish" feel of the game makes high resolution textures almost unnecessary. Trees and grass have a very "lust" feeling to them. Other special effects such as dynamic smoke, lighting, and other sprites are excellent.

While there are only four levels in the beta, they are the perfect size; not too big, not too small, small enough for an epic 1vs1 duel and inclusive enough for 12 player shootout. The four levels included in the beta are intuitive, easy to memorize and unique.

The game's user interface is simple and minimalistic, which makes it easy to hop in a quick game of Call of Duty or manage your weapons. The game controls on the other hand have a slight learning curve and the look sensitivity is either, too low damn slow, really slow, not bad or fucking ninja fast (i.e. you breathe on the stick and your view rotates 360°); in other words: I wish there was a 10 point scale or slider bar for look sensitivity. The game controls however are very logical and convenient after you spend some time to get accustomed with them. The online part is good but not without flaws; when you use XBL's matchmaking service "play now" you will either join someone's game or create your own. While it may take only 30 seconds to get into the game (*COUGH*WARHAWKTAKENOTEPLZ*COUGH*), if you join a laggy game you will need to suffer through (and run the risk of getting D/C'd) or quit and auto-rejoin a new sever... this seems to be more of a flaw with the XBL matchmaking system than COD4 but it is a problem nonetheless. A few times I was playing on a perfectly fine server when I started lagging, warped under the level and eventually died a mysterious death. Call of Duty 4 is still in beta, however.

Had I just spent $40 for the online feature of this game, I would be completely satisfied.

How to Untangle MP3 Headphones

You know when you pickup your MP3 player iPod and you want to listen to your favorite illegally downloaded songs purchased from iTunes, but your earbuds are in some abhorrent knot? You can now curb your fears with this easy cat hack.

If someone has a cat, please post if this works.

This Just In From The Fucktards At Safeway Marketing

I hate this sign. I hate this sign with a fiery passion. Even if you ignore the painfully obvious political correctness and the clumsy layout this sign radiates more evil then a prison full of child molesters. "You Future Starts Now" well that is just incorrect Safeway needs to hire a fucking fact checker; lets see if I can make a more accurate slogan:

"The Meth Addiction is getting stronger, how you gonna pay?"

"You are on your 47 abortion and planned parenthood is becoming suspicious, you need another way to dispose of the fetuses...."

"You have acne/glandular problems"

"Your obese, middle-age white trash"

"You have been wondering where the long, strenuous road of life ends, well, this is it"

"You read A View From Outer Space"

Blogname

Suggest a blog name, win brownie points. "A View From Outer Space" is weak; we need a name that accurately conveys the awesomeness of this blog. As an incentive to help your favorite blog, we will be giving out 500 brownie points to the winner and a Moola.com invite.

Think away!

Pwn'd!

Foolish eBay member petere92346 innocently placed a bottle of ale from 1852, "full and corked with a wax seal". collectordan, a fellow eBay user purchased the beverage for $304.00. Twenty days later, collectordan resells the drink for $503,300.00USD.

[Original] -- [Resale]

Halo Fever

The production value in this is like, "DAMN!"

What happens on the interwebs, (thankfully) stays on the interwebs

First!

Lollers

A nice Sunday morning bowl of "Wtf". Please think of this when reading the "funnies" in the paper.

Shoutbox

The Great "AVFOS" now has a shoutbox. You can now express your dark emotions and spam emotes. If the side bar ninja panel isn't awesome enough, you can check out a full page version here.

Pretend you're a secret agent

Now all you need is tactical ops team to call in to take down the tangos after you record the incriminating evidence.

iGod

Virtually atone for your sins.


Me: I hate jesus
God: Why do you hate it so much?
Me: he touched me
God: I get it. Jesus touched you.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

The Epic Tale of China.

One of acquaintances recently went to China for God-knows-whatever-reason. This is his epic tale of love, adventure and stupidity. Names changed to protect the innocent. Grammar Nazis, shield your eyes, this is deplorable. This is 4,094 words, Christ.

Hola, this Bob and I am reporting stuff that happened to me, to unsubscribe, please just email me, oh yeah chris guembel cant unsubscribe. Ok my counsin who is one year older than me smokes a pack of cigarettes in 2 days, scary. We went out, me and my counsin, and somehow sex came up, randomly, he asked if i wanted him to get a girl for me to fuck, I was like uh............ true story. Then we met these kids that dressed in black, he asked me if I knew what they were, I dind't , so he told me they are peopel who don't go to school and beat people up for cash, they also 'shank' people. I got really scared, but thankfully my counsin is one of those really cool dude, even though i am absolutely not :( he was like, "I knew these guys from kindergarten" Then we bought a can of beer, it was the nastiest thing i ever tasted, it was pine-apple beer, I was like wtf is this..... I got a cool hairut, I look really asian now, I'll link up a picture of me. Tommorrow we are going out with this girl he just met, relaly hot, he got her phone humber in like 5 minutes, I wish i was cool like him. Anyone tommorrow i'll try to drink some rela beer, a whoel bottle, I'llt ry to get drunk, I'llt ell you all listeners what happend,

Episode one of my adventures in chian, now i relaly got to shit, bye

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Ok, this is more of a settings episode than a what happened type of update
Girls-the average female population is rather ugly, not going to lie, they are either, ugly, decent looking but dress ugly, ugly but dress good, or just plain hot. I am even less popular here than at San Marin :)):)
trafiic-its' basically playing frogger, but if you lose, you die. I am not kidding, cars go as they wish, so does motorcycle. In USA, pedestrians have the right of way, right? but not here, whoever is stronger goes first, prolly crossing teh street is the most dangerous-est part of China. HAve you noticed that my typing has improved, I haven't back-spaced yet. That's it pretty amazing eh??
weather-it is the fucking hottest place in the world!!!! it is not like pure hotness, but it is humid hot. So it is alway hot even at night. 100 degrees is easily broken, you can't literally go outside because you will die of the heat. So basically I am in my grandparent's house all day with the AC on at full blast. Going outside literally sux butthole, I know Steve enjoys that :)
please reply and comment on these litlte update thingies

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OK, at about 3-ish my counsin and me went out and went to an internet hub, it was the fucking stupidest thing, since chinese people are really cheap, all teh computers had the same cd key, infact battle.net didn't even work at all. Before I went in, I bought a cvna of beer t a local shpop, it was disgusting. I drin maybe half then thre it away. No one ever even heard of this thing called "battle.net" They all use a program that allows people to play through the lan, very cool program actaully, its like hamachi. THe stupid thing is that a room can only hold 250 people, and needless to say teh dota rooms are always full so I never got to play dota. Then we went street shopping, everything was like 100+, so needless to say I am money greedy. When i got home I had explosive diarhea. Teh bathroom in China are justa hole in teh ground, literally, and you flush by getting a hose and spraying teh poop into a hole, there si a showerhead just above the toilet, that is where you shower :)

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Hola everyone, I am back from my hiatus. The reason for the delay on episode 4 is because I went to visit my other grandparents in the rural country. This is an extremely long episode since it covers 2 days. I have a cousin over there named DongDong, it’s a nickname of course…. OK he is annoying talks a lot, asks a lot of stupid questions, and bothers you forever. They I was like hey, this guy is just like me, he really annoyed me, and thus I bet it’s what Steve feels when I annoy him. Don’t worry Steve I’ll still bother you everyday.
Since there was no internet, I had to go to a web café an hour’s walk away; I didn’t want to talk, so we rode on motorcycles. No, it sounds a lot cooler than it really is. It’s a person that drives a motorcycle, and I and my cousin hop on back, so its 3 people on a motorcycle. Just to say my cousin is really, really fat. I don’t know the transfer rate, but when I went on a scale I was 62 Chinese weights, and he was a whopping 85 Chinese weight, I am 135 pounds. AT the crappy rural internet café, there was no gg client in general, so no internet play of warcraft, I left, so basically I spend 10 bux on getting there and back and 1 buck on playing computer.
OH yea, just to tell you, I had constant diarrhea, it didn’t feel good. They also have these places to play xbox and PS2. It’s a pretty good deal, 3bux an hour. God of War is an awesome fucking game. While I was there I met a Chinese person that wanted to play WoW on the American server, I was like why?? Then I found out, he is a real Chinese gold farmer. He was pretty cool, nerdy as Steve’s dad though. Anyway I helped him get WoW rolling, but you can’t enter cd keys or any kind of keys because the WoW site does an IP check and disallows entry from China. Oh well I hope him well farming gold then selling it. Don’t worry isn’t using arin’s account, he is using one of mines 
Ok, this deal was only available to Frank, but hey Steve is a good friend to me. They have these cartridges you buy in China that holds 25 NDS games. You just plug into your computer and load up NDS games. You can erase them and add new ones. It costs 400 Chinese dollars, not 200, 200 was for a normal cartridge with one game, why would anyone buy that????? SO yeah, if you want me to buy you one, my email is chinosk8r@yahoo.com, for paypal. Exchange rate right now is 7.4, 400/7.4= 54 dollars, so just pay me 50 dollars, Steve I promise I’ll get it to you, I am doing you a favor, and I won’t steal your money, and no, I won’t keep it for a long time, I’ll give it to you the Saturday I get back, cause that’s my B-day celebration!

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First of all, I think I lost my MP3 player :), ok I went to a internet cafe and finally got into a dota room, I went domintaing with SK, then everyone left of course. Then I played Dota with my counsin, he thought it was like another war3 game so he picked zues and bought mask of death and 3 gloves haste, he got owned pretty bad, it was sad :( QQ. WE went to my anut's house, her house looked really nice and crap, but surpisingly her salary is only about 1k a month, I was like WTF. Short episode ok bye

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Ok a bunch ahppened to me the last few days, but I am too tired to talk about it, I stopped doing these episodes regularly since i got dota working, but what happened tonight is worth telling. By the way, at the showers of a public swimming, I learned that my penis looks very different from other chinese penises.

OK I went to my aunt's house for the birthday of my grandpa. Whatever they ate and shit, and my grandpa finihsed eating, then my dad, aunt, uncle and a friend of my aunt's started drinking, they downed the equivilant of 18 bottles of beer and a bottle of whiskey. Of course my grandpa, grandma and 2 others pitched in for a bottle or 2, but most of the alcohol was consumed by those 4. They were very drunk, I saw me dad laughing at random shit like me, and my aunt was well drunk. She kept on draggin peoplw who stopped drinking back into teh drinking scene

I drank an "estrello" red wine, I drank about teh equivleant of 1/2 of the cup I use to eat clam choder at Julian's house. It was very bitter and not very good. I took about 5,6 tablespoons at a time, and drank it slowly. While I was getting one cup, my aunt caught me, and was like "Brother, lok at your son, he is drinkin' some boooooze" My dad got mad, but then my aunt was like come he is in China dn some shit like that, so I kept on drinking it. Anyway, dirnking the red wine did nothing for me, as I am still able to type shit without backspacing, whoops jsut backspaced there. Ok Frank I lost, I never got drunk, but I might get drunk on thursday, when I go "partying" with my counsin.

Right now, me dad, uncle aunt and aunt's friend are at my ant's house prolly downing a few more crates of beer, they were joking at how ittle they were drinking and laughed when somone said they had too much. I suspect my dad to not get drunk at all, my aunt ends up on a girl's gone wild video, she is pretty good-looking, my uncle not get drunk, beacuse he has too much tolenreance to alcohol and my aunt's friend with my aunt on teh video. Just to say, everyone in my dad's famfily can drink, like they can really drink

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OK, Dylan you said how I drank a small amount of alcohol in episode 6, well I did better thsi time. THe night befroe last, I went with my aunt to congratulate someone, whose child got into a really good college, I drank 10-11 glasses of wine. FOr the first time, I actaully felt dizzy form drinking. I tried to walk on a carck in teh sidewalk after dinner, could not do it.

OK, that was teh night before last, now last night. MY counsin came home around 7 from KFC with 2 good-looking chicks, and a friend of his. So he asked if I wanted to go ahng out with them, I was like ok sure whatever. First, they thought of me as an "object of great interest", you guys can prolly think of a better word there, but I can't. I have a very limited voacabulary. Anyone the friend of my counisn went off with another group.
If any of you know me, I am actually shy as fuck. If you see em meet someon I don't know, I barely say anyhting, just a cool hey, at the begginnning. If you ever noticed, when you introduc me to someone I never knew, I barely say anything at all, but if I know them, even through BNet, I become my normal self. BUt I need to know them for quite a while to not be a shyguy off to the side.
OK, so we walked to the Yellow River, I was pretty much silent along the way, I wouldn't relaly comment on anyhting cause I didn't know how to say it, and I didn't know if anythign I would say would be funny. I expected me to say a joke but I used the wrong Chinese and everyone just looks at me. SO basically I was super silent until about 50 yards from teh Yellow River, I saw a shop, I went in and bought a bottle of beer, beer bottle in CHian is bigger than beer bottles in USA, they are 500 ml. SUddenly, I could comment on stuff, and make od jokes which no one understood. Beer loosened my lips YEAH!! I even sugested SPin the Bottle, (as a joke). I think they believe AMerican people are sluts :P Anyway, the 2 chicks were about a yeard older than me and one was planning to become a doctor and the other a teacher. I asked for thier names, but quickly forgot, it ins't like in USA how thier are prolly 200 first names, in CHina everyn name is unique, kind of like Indian names.
THen we walked to the lake and sat down to drink some beverages, I asked for a beer, cause I was out a while ago, and I started to get quiet. THen, one of the ladies asked for a beer, so I bought everyone a round, I relaly wanted to say "This rounds on me", but I dind't know how to say that. SO we drank, I was the first to finish. AFter a while, everyone was done and we played spin the bottle, except whoever got spinned had to hold out thier ahnd and everyone smacked his or her hand. This was a stupid game, then one of the girld span te bottle and it hit one of the glasses on teh table and it cut teh other girl's hand and foot. The one of my counsin's friend came. THey went off to buy her some disinfectant or whatever, and I was there by ymself wiht teh 2 chicks. MY beer was out, and it was quite awkward. I tried to sit there looking cool, but the chair was really low and it didn't work. I kept on grunting at thier questions cause I didn't understand what they asked me, I was like "MMM, yeah, yeah"
After my counsin came back, we walked home, When we got to my grandma's house, they said bye to me, but they kept on wlaking wiht my counsin, dman it they ditched me, FUCK. That si how I ended my day, they ditched me. OK comment please

HEy here is teh vent info
209.247.212.37
3819
MEet me at 11:00 PM tonight, your time and we'll paly some dota or whatever, but get into vent first, cause I'll be in vent before warcraft, see ya soon, please comment on this episode

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MINI EPISODE
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In terms of coolness, I am below average, not like in the states where I am under the carpet.
Anyone grls think that I am nice and uhh... cute, cause I can't really speak chinese, but I am uber nice. I think not talking helped, if I could talk, I'll just ruin it in general. Anyone this girl invited me to hike up a famous mountain around here, its going to take all morning, my counsin is coming and a firned of hers are coming also, but the important thing was that she asked me first then asked me if we should invite them. I am acutally a very fun person when I get drunk, without beer, I can't talk for shit and grunts occasionally, and then they ask me did you know what I said, I am like uh, what? Last night, I drank 1.5 liters of beer, yes 1.5 liters. Thats 3/4 of a big coke bottle. Anyone I know a girl who might think I am cute, and yeah....

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Today was a great day, it was mucho amounts of fun. I found somehting funner then playing computer its called hanging out. Not our kind of hanging out where we sit in a dimly lit room watchign electrons pass through tube and moving our fingers in uniform motion contrilling a non-existant person. Today I got up at 5 and we are goign to hike up a mountin with 2 girls and my counsin. I wore a skin-tiight black shirt and some shorts, funny thin I looked good init. I have actualy abs, like you can clearly define the 6 parts and decently muscular arms. ITs wierd, china makes you buff, or at least shape up a bit
We took the bus, but missed our exit, so we alked backa station, when we called teh 2 girls, they said they were still riding. Then we called again, and learned, they got off, but we din't see them, we got off at the wrong place, and we had to go for like 5-6 more stops. Then we took a van up the mountin to our destination. WE brought mucho food and I brought a bottle of red wine. WE hiked for a long time, stopping once in a while at a rest stop until we got ot teh top, a waterfall.
Ok, this is where wine prolly fucked up my judgement, maybe even for the better :). The red wine we brought was relaly bad, and I drank most of it, the girls didn't want to drink it, so I went in the water and walked around, then I decided to swim, I took off my shirt and swam/walked to the waterfall. First of all, if I was sober, I would not even have thought of this idea. Then one of the girls, the one I have a small crush on, lets just call her girl A, cause I know you'll make up funny thing about her name, its not wierd but its like you'll calling my be my name CHuyuan, you are bound to find some jokes relating to it, let me give you some help if you can't, Choo-choo train, chew, pikachuyuan. Anyways, she walkedin but dind't want to go over to teh waterfall, cause she doesn't want tog et wet, but she slipped so she was like what the hell, so I brought her over and took some pictures.
Then we hiked down to a little house-thingy, and my counsin and girl B, stayed, so me and girl A hiked up another way, we hiked for a bit, but we never got to anyhting and came back.

Oh yeah, oh thrusday, dos days from now, I am going wiht girl A, to sail down a river on a infaltable thingy with her classmates. Anyways in China, I discoverd that I am a pretty cool perosn, I just have certain problems, mainly, height and my fat mouth, since in China , I cna't relaly say much I cna't say soemthing obscene and ruin it, and therefore people think that I am those cool reclusive, but ready to help out type.


Oh a totally unrelated topic, I donmt' I just thought of this though randomly, I repaet this ahs nothing to do with anyhting here in China:

There is this relaly hot chick at school and she liked you, and tonight she was going to do it wiht you, you two go out into the country. First of all she is a wierd gothic type, but she si uber hot, and you are all virgins liek you are. she goes into a cowfield slaughter a cow(its at night), and and rips out all its organs, then she take off her clothe and lie the the spilled guts of the cow. Now she says come ______, fuck me. Would you? Again, this has nothing to do wiht anyhting in China, I heard this on a website and though it was an interesting question

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MINI REPORT
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Ok, I got this email from Girl A, the one that I like, and it had this sentence, translate?

"To be the host,maybe I have something that you can't be satisfied with me.But I will try my best."

ok here is my drinking report, I am only tellign about teh most I've drank of this kind of alcoholic beverage

9 classes of red wine-13-15% alcohol
3 bottles of 500ml beer
125ml of 45% whiskey - 56.25ml of pure alcohol

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FINAL EPISODE
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Ok here we go my last episode. MAybe there might be one more, but anyways lets just assume this si the last one.
My birthday wasn't very fun at all, I have to say, it was below mediocre, but one cool thing happened. OK here I go
At around 5:30-ish we all went to the restuarant and my aunt helped us book a room. There were initally only 4 coming me my counisn and the 2 chicks. Then my counsin invited 2 other chicks and my cother counsin(female) came, cuase my aunt was like, "hey why didn't you bring my daughter?" Ok, it was a little crowded I have to say. Anyways we ate and I drank some beer(1 liter) and it was boring, cause I couldn't say shit. THen I went out to pay the bill (144) and gave a 10 dollar tip to the waitress, she was like oh you forgot your money, cause no one gives tips in China, I feel sorry for waitresses. I got 2 presents from Girl A and B, and little stuffed panda and a mickey cup. On our way out, Girl A(one who I like) got a phone call from her parents teeling her to come home, her dad is in teh army or something(commander) and he comes home like once a month or whatever. She's like I have to go at 8
Then we went to go kareoking, while we were discussing teh price, she got another call from hoem saying coem home right now. So she was like I am so sorry and I had to go. After she was out of site I... Ok we are gogin to freeze time for a bit. This is the moment which I personally thought was really cool, it's like whoever did this wasn't me. When Julian hear this he'll open his mouth and smack his forehead, shut his eyes real tight and go "got damn it Bob" I am right, right? Steve will be like, I don't really care I just bought a computer for a bunch of money, Dylan will do a silly laugh and will think about splunking and arin will be like "Wow, holy craps....You can hook through cliffs?". It's prolly not as big as you think it is, but it was for me, cause I thought it was really cool :). OK unpause. I asked my counsin how much was the kareoke booth, he said arouns 100-something. I opened my wallet and took out 200 dollars and threw it at him, and I ran after Girl A, They were like, where you going? "I am going to walk her home" Anyways, I reached her and she was like you should be going back and blah..blah..blah.. I was like I said I am walking you home and that's final. And then she was you should be having fun back there, I was liek its not relaly fun wihtout you. (it was actually really, relaly, boring at the kareoke place) We took a bus, then I walked her to where she lived and said goodbye, I asked her if she had anythign to do the next few days. SO basically if she didn't, I was liek we should go to teh park just you and me, and I won't drink :)
Ok Irode a taxi back it to teh kareoke place(oh yeah,I relaly had to pee, 1 liter of beer in 30 minutes really fills your bladder)
it was relaly boring, only my 2 counisns and Girl b were there. There weren't any english songs I knew, they were like some songs by Pink and britney spears, I was like dammit, no James BLunt? Anyways at 9:30 my dad was liek come home! (on all the other days, my dad was out with his friends or was in NAnjing) I was liek WTF, I didn't relaly put up much of an arguement cause it wasn't relaly fun. I went home the end
I guess I'll see you at home the next time I tell you of a tale, unless Girl A actually accepts my offer and goes to the park with me, then that would be a good story to tell. ANyways this is Bob signing off

Minesweeper: The Movie

Coming to a theater near you, I suppose.

OMGWTFLOLAWESOME

That was totally Math-rhombus!

Trannies Dance Better Than You

On Marital Poisoning

There is nothing that can spice up a dreary Saturday morning better than a fresh bowl of wit.

3D Mailbox

Funny? Lolollz 3D email olol!1!! Wait, what? No way. They're serious? Unbelievable. 3D.. are they... just... What the hell, damn guy?! Well, the genius from World Market Watch, Inc., who also brought you hit apps. like Vistorville, have created 3D Mailbox, which uses "a cutting-edge game engine" (in 2000, maybe). A level coming "very soon" will be "set at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), and every email is a Boeing 747!"

If you're like me and don't particularly want to talk to your "V I4GR A CHEEP HERE" emails, then I recommend you stick with your current email client.

"I'm in ur blog, dl'ing ur RSS feed."

Subscribe to our blog by using this link: http://aviewfromouterspace.blogspot.com/atom.xml
alternatively, you can use this link,
http://feeds.feedburner.com/AViewFromOuterSpace

Now you have excuse for not reading our blog...

Harry... Potter.

The newest Harry Potter book has been leaked on Bittorrent! Someone with a digital camara managed to get a hold of one of the 15 million copies of the seventh book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and take pictures of two pages at a time, making the illicit version rather difficult to read. For those of you who hate spoilers, I recommend you stay far away from the internet until you finish the book yourself.

[edit] The first ten chapters have been typed up by Harry Potter fanatics and released on Bittorrent as well!

Bang bang! Bang bang!

This is probably one of my favorite commercials. For some reason it was banned in the United States. Maybe I have just been so desensitized by gratuitous violence it doesn't bother me or maybe other people are too uptight. Enjoy!