Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Lollers
A nice Sunday morning bowl of "Wtf". Please think of this when reading the "funnies" in the paper.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Pretend you're a secret agent
Sunday, August 19, 2007
iGod
Virtually atone for your sins.Me: I hate jesus
God: Why do you hate it so much?
Me: he touched me
God: I get it. Jesus touched you.
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
The Epic Tale of China.
One of acquaintances recently went to China for God-knows-whatever-reason. This is his epic tale of love, adventure and stupidity. Names changed to protect the innocent. Grammar Nazis, shield your eyes, this is deplorable. This is 4,094 words, Christ.
Hola, this Bob and I am reporting stuff that happened to me, to unsubscribe, please just email me, oh yeah chris guembel cant unsubscribe. Ok my counsin who is one year older than me smokes a pack of cigarettes in 2 days, scary. We went out, me and my counsin, and somehow sex came up, randomly, he asked if i wanted him to get a girl for me to fuck, I was like uh............ true story. Then we met these kids that dressed in black, he asked me if I knew what they were, I dind't , so he told me they are peopel who don't go to school and beat people up for cash, they also 'shank' people. I got really scared, but thankfully my counsin is one of those really cool dude, even though i am absolutely not :( he was like, "I knew these guys from kindergarten" Then we bought a can of beer, it was the nastiest thing i ever tasted, it was pine-apple beer, I was like wtf is this..... I got a cool hairut, I look really asian now, I'll link up a picture of me. Tommorrow we are going out with this girl he just met, relaly hot, he got her phone humber in like 5 minutes, I wish i was cool like him. Anyone tommorrow i'll try to drink some rela beer, a whoel bottle, I'llt ry to get drunk, I'llt ell you all listeners what happend,
Episode one of my adventures in chian, now i relaly got to shit, bye
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Ok, this is more of a settings episode than a what happened type of update
Girls-the average female population is rather ugly, not going to lie, they are either, ugly, decent looking but dress ugly, ugly but dress good, or just plain hot. I am even less popular here than at San Marin :)):)
trafiic-its' basically playing frogger, but if you lose, you die. I am not kidding, cars go as they wish, so does motorcycle. In USA, pedestrians have the right of way, right? but not here, whoever is stronger goes first, prolly crossing teh street is the most dangerous-est part of China. HAve you noticed that my typing has improved, I haven't back-spaced yet. That's it pretty amazing eh??
weather-it is the fucking hottest place in the world!!!! it is not like pure hotness, but it is humid hot. So it is alway hot even at night. 100 degrees is easily broken, you can't literally go outside because you will die of the heat. So basically I am in my grandparent's house all day with the AC on at full blast. Going outside literally sux butthole, I know Steve enjoys that :)
please reply and comment on these litlte update thingies
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OK, at about 3-ish my counsin and me went out and went to an internet hub, it was the fucking stupidest thing, since chinese people are really cheap, all teh computers had the same cd key, infact battle.net didn't even work at all. Before I went in, I bought a cvna of beer t a local shpop, it was disgusting. I drin maybe half then thre it away. No one ever even heard of this thing called "battle.net" They all use a program that allows people to play through the lan, very cool program actaully, its like hamachi. THe stupid thing is that a room can only hold 250 people, and needless to say teh dota rooms are always full so I never got to play dota. Then we went street shopping, everything was like 100+, so needless to say I am money greedy. When i got home I had explosive diarhea. Teh bathroom in China are justa hole in teh ground, literally, and you flush by getting a hose and spraying teh poop into a hole, there si a showerhead just above the toilet, that is where you shower :)
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Hola everyone, I am back from my hiatus. The reason for the delay on episode 4 is because I went to visit my other grandparents in the rural country. This is an extremely long episode since it covers 2 days. I have a cousin over there named DongDong, it’s a nickname of course…. OK he is annoying talks a lot, asks a lot of stupid questions, and bothers you forever. They I was like hey, this guy is just like me, he really annoyed me, and thus I bet it’s what Steve feels when I annoy him. Don’t worry Steve I’ll still bother you everyday.
Since there was no internet, I had to go to a web café an hour’s walk away; I didn’t want to talk, so we rode on motorcycles. No, it sounds a lot cooler than it really is. It’s a person that drives a motorcycle, and I and my cousin hop on back, so its 3 people on a motorcycle. Just to say my cousin is really, really fat. I don’t know the transfer rate, but when I went on a scale I was 62 Chinese weights, and he was a whopping 85 Chinese weight, I am 135 pounds. AT the crappy rural internet café, there was no gg client in general, so no internet play of warcraft, I left, so basically I spend 10 bux on getting there and back and 1 buck on playing computer.
OH yea, just to tell you, I had constant diarrhea, it didn’t feel good. They also have these places to play xbox and PS2. It’s a pretty good deal, 3bux an hour. God of War is an awesome fucking game. While I was there I met a Chinese person that wanted to play WoW on the American server, I was like why?? Then I found out, he is a real Chinese gold farmer. He was pretty cool, nerdy as Steve’s dad though. Anyway I helped him get WoW rolling, but you can’t enter cd keys or any kind of keys because the WoW site does an IP check and disallows entry from China. Oh well I hope him well farming gold then selling it. Don’t worry isn’t using arin’s account, he is using one of mines
Ok, this deal was only available to Frank, but hey Steve is a good friend to me. They have these cartridges you buy in China that holds 25 NDS games. You just plug into your computer and load up NDS games. You can erase them and add new ones. It costs 400 Chinese dollars, not 200, 200 was for a normal cartridge with one game, why would anyone buy that????? SO yeah, if you want me to buy you one, my email is chinosk8r@yahoo.com, for paypal. Exchange rate right now is 7.4, 400/7.4= 54 dollars, so just pay me 50 dollars, Steve I promise I’ll get it to you, I am doing you a favor, and I won’t steal your money, and no, I won’t keep it for a long time, I’ll give it to you the Saturday I get back, cause that’s my B-day celebration!
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First of all, I think I lost my MP3 player :), ok I went to a internet cafe and finally got into a dota room, I went domintaing with SK, then everyone left of course. Then I played Dota with my counsin, he thought it was like another war3 game so he picked zues and bought mask of death and 3 gloves haste, he got owned pretty bad, it was sad :( QQ. WE went to my anut's house, her house looked really nice and crap, but surpisingly her salary is only about 1k a month, I was like WTF. Short episode ok bye
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Ok a bunch ahppened to me the last few days, but I am too tired to talk about it, I stopped doing these episodes regularly since i got dota working, but what happened tonight is worth telling. By the way, at the showers of a public swimming, I learned that my penis looks very different from other chinese penises.
OK I went to my aunt's house for the birthday of my grandpa. Whatever they ate and shit, and my grandpa finihsed eating, then my dad, aunt, uncle and a friend of my aunt's started drinking, they downed the equivilant of 18 bottles of beer and a bottle of whiskey. Of course my grandpa, grandma and 2 others pitched in for a bottle or 2, but most of the alcohol was consumed by those 4. They were very drunk, I saw me dad laughing at random shit like me, and my aunt was well drunk. She kept on draggin peoplw who stopped drinking back into teh drinking scene
I drank an "estrello" red wine, I drank about teh equivleant of 1/2 of the cup I use to eat clam choder at Julian's house. It was very bitter and not very good. I took about 5,6 tablespoons at a time, and drank it slowly. While I was getting one cup, my aunt caught me, and was like "Brother, lok at your son, he is drinkin' some boooooze" My dad got mad, but then my aunt was like come he is in China dn some shit like that, so I kept on drinking it. Anyway, dirnking the red wine did nothing for me, as I am still able to type shit without backspacing, whoops jsut backspaced there. Ok Frank I lost, I never got drunk, but I might get drunk on thursday, when I go "partying" with my counsin.
Right now, me dad, uncle aunt and aunt's friend are at my ant's house prolly downing a few more crates of beer, they were joking at how ittle they were drinking and laughed when somone said they had too much. I suspect my dad to not get drunk at all, my aunt ends up on a girl's gone wild video, she is pretty good-looking, my uncle not get drunk, beacuse he has too much tolenreance to alcohol and my aunt's friend with my aunt on teh video. Just to say, everyone in my dad's famfily can drink, like they can really drink
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OK, Dylan you said how I drank a small amount of alcohol in episode 6, well I did better thsi time. THe night befroe last, I went with my aunt to congratulate someone, whose child got into a really good college, I drank 10-11 glasses of wine. FOr the first time, I actaully felt dizzy form drinking. I tried to walk on a carck in teh sidewalk after dinner, could not do it.
OK, that was teh night before last, now last night. MY counsin came home around 7 from KFC with 2 good-looking chicks, and a friend of his. So he asked if I wanted to go ahng out with them, I was like ok sure whatever. First, they thought of me as an "object of great interest", you guys can prolly think of a better word there, but I can't. I have a very limited voacabulary. Anyone the friend of my counisn went off with another group.
If any of you know me, I am actually shy as fuck. If you see em meet someon I don't know, I barely say anyhting, just a cool hey, at the begginnning. If you ever noticed, when you introduc me to someone I never knew, I barely say anything at all, but if I know them, even through BNet, I become my normal self. BUt I need to know them for quite a while to not be a shyguy off to the side.
OK, so we walked to the Yellow River, I was pretty much silent along the way, I wouldn't relaly comment on anyhting cause I didn't know how to say it, and I didn't know if anythign I would say would be funny. I expected me to say a joke but I used the wrong Chinese and everyone just looks at me. SO basically I was super silent until about 50 yards from teh Yellow River, I saw a shop, I went in and bought a bottle of beer, beer bottle in CHian is bigger than beer bottles in USA, they are 500 ml. SUddenly, I could comment on stuff, and make od jokes which no one understood. Beer loosened my lips YEAH!! I even sugested SPin the Bottle, (as a joke). I think they believe AMerican people are sluts :P Anyway, the 2 chicks were about a yeard older than me and one was planning to become a doctor and the other a teacher. I asked for thier names, but quickly forgot, it ins't like in USA how thier are prolly 200 first names, in CHina everyn name is unique, kind of like Indian names.
THen we walked to the lake and sat down to drink some beverages, I asked for a beer, cause I was out a while ago, and I started to get quiet. THen, one of the ladies asked for a beer, so I bought everyone a round, I relaly wanted to say "This rounds on me", but I dind't know how to say that. SO we drank, I was the first to finish. AFter a while, everyone was done and we played spin the bottle, except whoever got spinned had to hold out thier ahnd and everyone smacked his or her hand. This was a stupid game, then one of the girld span te bottle and it hit one of the glasses on teh table and it cut teh other girl's hand and foot. The one of my counsin's friend came. THey went off to buy her some disinfectant or whatever, and I was there by ymself wiht teh 2 chicks. MY beer was out, and it was quite awkward. I tried to sit there looking cool, but the chair was really low and it didn't work. I kept on grunting at thier questions cause I didn't understand what they asked me, I was like "MMM, yeah, yeah"
After my counsin came back, we walked home, When we got to my grandma's house, they said bye to me, but they kept on wlaking wiht my counsin, dman it they ditched me, FUCK. That si how I ended my day, they ditched me. OK comment please
HEy here is teh vent info
209.247.212.37
3819
MEet me at 11:00 PM tonight, your time and we'll paly some dota or whatever, but get into vent first, cause I'll be in vent before warcraft, see ya soon, please comment on this episode
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MINI EPISODE
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In terms of coolness, I am below average, not like in the states where I am under the carpet.
Anyone grls think that I am nice and uhh... cute, cause I can't really speak chinese, but I am uber nice. I think not talking helped, if I could talk, I'll just ruin it in general. Anyone this girl invited me to hike up a famous mountain around here, its going to take all morning, my counsin is coming and a firned of hers are coming also, but the important thing was that she asked me first then asked me if we should invite them. I am acutally a very fun person when I get drunk, without beer, I can't talk for shit and grunts occasionally, and then they ask me did you know what I said, I am like uh, what? Last night, I drank 1.5 liters of beer, yes 1.5 liters. Thats 3/4 of a big coke bottle. Anyone I know a girl who might think I am cute, and yeah....
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Today was a great day, it was mucho amounts of fun. I found somehting funner then playing computer its called hanging out. Not our kind of hanging out where we sit in a dimly lit room watchign electrons pass through tube and moving our fingers in uniform motion contrilling a non-existant person. Today I got up at 5 and we are goign to hike up a mountin with 2 girls and my counsin. I wore a skin-tiight black shirt and some shorts, funny thin I looked good init. I have actualy abs, like you can clearly define the 6 parts and decently muscular arms. ITs wierd, china makes you buff, or at least shape up a bit
We took the bus, but missed our exit, so we alked backa station, when we called teh 2 girls, they said they were still riding. Then we called again, and learned, they got off, but we din't see them, we got off at the wrong place, and we had to go for like 5-6 more stops. Then we took a van up the mountin to our destination. WE brought mucho food and I brought a bottle of red wine. WE hiked for a long time, stopping once in a while at a rest stop until we got ot teh top, a waterfall.
Ok, this is where wine prolly fucked up my judgement, maybe even for the better :). The red wine we brought was relaly bad, and I drank most of it, the girls didn't want to drink it, so I went in the water and walked around, then I decided to swim, I took off my shirt and swam/walked to the waterfall. First of all, if I was sober, I would not even have thought of this idea. Then one of the girls, the one I have a small crush on, lets just call her girl A, cause I know you'll make up funny thing about her name, its not wierd but its like you'll calling my be my name CHuyuan, you are bound to find some jokes relating to it, let me give you some help if you can't, Choo-choo train, chew, pikachuyuan. Anyways, she walkedin but dind't want to go over to teh waterfall, cause she doesn't want tog et wet, but she slipped so she was like what the hell, so I brought her over and took some pictures.
Then we hiked down to a little house-thingy, and my counsin and girl B, stayed, so me and girl A hiked up another way, we hiked for a bit, but we never got to anyhting and came back.
Oh yeah, oh thrusday, dos days from now, I am going wiht girl A, to sail down a river on a infaltable thingy with her classmates. Anyways in China, I discoverd that I am a pretty cool perosn, I just have certain problems, mainly, height and my fat mouth, since in China , I cna't relaly say much I cna't say soemthing obscene and ruin it, and therefore people think that I am those cool reclusive, but ready to help out type.
Oh a totally unrelated topic, I donmt' I just thought of this though randomly, I repaet this ahs nothing to do with anyhting here in China:
There is this relaly hot chick at school and she liked you, and tonight she was going to do it wiht you, you two go out into the country. First of all she is a wierd gothic type, but she si uber hot, and you are all virgins liek you are. she goes into a cowfield slaughter a cow(its at night), and and rips out all its organs, then she take off her clothe and lie the the spilled guts of the cow. Now she says come ______, fuck me. Would you? Again, this has nothing to do wiht anyhting in China, I heard this on a website and though it was an interesting question
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MINI REPORT
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Ok, I got this email from Girl A, the one that I like, and it had this sentence, translate?
"To be the host,maybe I have something that you can't be satisfied with me.But I will try my best."
ok here is my drinking report, I am only tellign about teh most I've drank of this kind of alcoholic beverage
9 classes of red wine-13-15% alcohol
3 bottles of 500ml beer
125ml of 45% whiskey - 56.25ml of pure alcohol
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FINAL EPISODE
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Ok here we go my last episode. MAybe there might be one more, but anyways lets just assume this si the last one.
My birthday wasn't very fun at all, I have to say, it was below mediocre, but one cool thing happened. OK here I go
At around 5:30-ish we all went to the restuarant and my aunt helped us book a room. There were initally only 4 coming me my counisn and the 2 chicks. Then my counsin invited 2 other chicks and my cother counsin(female) came, cuase my aunt was like, "hey why didn't you bring my daughter?" Ok, it was a little crowded I have to say. Anyways we ate and I drank some beer(1 liter) and it was boring, cause I couldn't say shit. THen I went out to pay the bill (144) and gave a 10 dollar tip to the waitress, she was like oh you forgot your money, cause no one gives tips in China, I feel sorry for waitresses. I got 2 presents from Girl A and B, and little stuffed panda and a mickey cup. On our way out, Girl A(one who I like) got a phone call from her parents teeling her to come home, her dad is in teh army or something(commander) and he comes home like once a month or whatever. She's like I have to go at 8
Then we went to go kareoking, while we were discussing teh price, she got another call from hoem saying coem home right now. So she was like I am so sorry and I had to go. After she was out of site I... Ok we are gogin to freeze time for a bit. This is the moment which I personally thought was really cool, it's like whoever did this wasn't me. When Julian hear this he'll open his mouth and smack his forehead, shut his eyes real tight and go "got damn it Bob" I am right, right? Steve will be like, I don't really care I just bought a computer for a bunch of money, Dylan will do a silly laugh and will think about splunking and arin will be like "Wow, holy craps....You can hook through cliffs?". It's prolly not as big as you think it is, but it was for me, cause I thought it was really cool :). OK unpause. I asked my counsin how much was the kareoke booth, he said arouns 100-something. I opened my wallet and took out 200 dollars and threw it at him, and I ran after Girl A, They were like, where you going? "I am going to walk her home" Anyways, I reached her and she was like you should be going back and blah..blah..blah.. I was like I said I am walking you home and that's final. And then she was you should be having fun back there, I was liek its not relaly fun wihtout you. (it was actually really, relaly, boring at the kareoke place) We took a bus, then I walked her to where she lived and said goodbye, I asked her if she had anythign to do the next few days. SO basically if she didn't, I was liek we should go to teh park just you and me, and I won't drink :)
Ok Irode a taxi back it to teh kareoke place(oh yeah,I relaly had to pee, 1 liter of beer in 30 minutes really fills your bladder)
it was relaly boring, only my 2 counisns and Girl b were there. There weren't any english songs I knew, they were like some songs by Pink and britney spears, I was like dammit, no James BLunt? Anyways at 9:30 my dad was liek come home! (on all the other days, my dad was out with his friends or was in NAnjing) I was liek WTF, I didn't relaly put up much of an arguement cause it wasn't relaly fun. I went home the end
I guess I'll see you at home the next time I tell you of a tale, unless Girl A actually accepts my offer and goes to the park with me, then that would be a good story to tell. ANyways this is Bob signing off
Hola, this Bob and I am reporting stuff that happened to me, to unsubscribe, please just email me, oh yeah chris guembel cant unsubscribe. Ok my counsin who is one year older than me smokes a pack of cigarettes in 2 days, scary. We went out, me and my counsin, and somehow sex came up, randomly, he asked if i wanted him to get a girl for me to fuck, I was like uh............ true story. Then we met these kids that dressed in black, he asked me if I knew what they were, I dind't , so he told me they are peopel who don't go to school and beat people up for cash, they also 'shank' people. I got really scared, but thankfully my counsin is one of those really cool dude, even though i am absolutely not :( he was like, "I knew these guys from kindergarten" Then we bought a can of beer, it was the nastiest thing i ever tasted, it was pine-apple beer, I was like wtf is this..... I got a cool hairut, I look really asian now, I'll link up a picture of me. Tommorrow we are going out with this girl he just met, relaly hot, he got her phone humber in like 5 minutes, I wish i was cool like him. Anyone tommorrow i'll try to drink some rela beer, a whoel bottle, I'llt ry to get drunk, I'llt ell you all listeners what happend,
Episode one of my adventures in chian, now i relaly got to shit, bye
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Ok, this is more of a settings episode than a what happened type of update
Girls-the average female population is rather ugly, not going to lie, they are either, ugly, decent looking but dress ugly, ugly but dress good, or just plain hot. I am even less popular here than at San Marin :)):)
trafiic-its' basically playing frogger, but if you lose, you die. I am not kidding, cars go as they wish, so does motorcycle. In USA, pedestrians have the right of way, right? but not here, whoever is stronger goes first, prolly crossing teh street is the most dangerous-est part of China. HAve you noticed that my typing has improved, I haven't back-spaced yet. That's it pretty amazing eh??
weather-it is the fucking hottest place in the world!!!! it is not like pure hotness, but it is humid hot. So it is alway hot even at night. 100 degrees is easily broken, you can't literally go outside because you will die of the heat. So basically I am in my grandparent's house all day with the AC on at full blast. Going outside literally sux butthole, I know Steve enjoys that :)
please reply and comment on these litlte update thingies
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OK, at about 3-ish my counsin and me went out and went to an internet hub, it was the fucking stupidest thing, since chinese people are really cheap, all teh computers had the same cd key, infact battle.net didn't even work at all. Before I went in, I bought a cvna of beer t a local shpop, it was disgusting. I drin maybe half then thre it away. No one ever even heard of this thing called "battle.net" They all use a program that allows people to play through the lan, very cool program actaully, its like hamachi. THe stupid thing is that a room can only hold 250 people, and needless to say teh dota rooms are always full so I never got to play dota. Then we went street shopping, everything was like 100+, so needless to say I am money greedy. When i got home I had explosive diarhea. Teh bathroom in China are justa hole in teh ground, literally, and you flush by getting a hose and spraying teh poop into a hole, there si a showerhead just above the toilet, that is where you shower :)
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Hola everyone, I am back from my hiatus. The reason for the delay on episode 4 is because I went to visit my other grandparents in the rural country. This is an extremely long episode since it covers 2 days. I have a cousin over there named DongDong, it’s a nickname of course…. OK he is annoying talks a lot, asks a lot of stupid questions, and bothers you forever. They I was like hey, this guy is just like me, he really annoyed me, and thus I bet it’s what Steve feels when I annoy him. Don’t worry Steve I’ll still bother you everyday.
Since there was no internet, I had to go to a web café an hour’s walk away; I didn’t want to talk, so we rode on motorcycles. No, it sounds a lot cooler than it really is. It’s a person that drives a motorcycle, and I and my cousin hop on back, so its 3 people on a motorcycle. Just to say my cousin is really, really fat. I don’t know the transfer rate, but when I went on a scale I was 62 Chinese weights, and he was a whopping 85 Chinese weight, I am 135 pounds. AT the crappy rural internet café, there was no gg client in general, so no internet play of warcraft, I left, so basically I spend 10 bux on getting there and back and 1 buck on playing computer.
OH yea, just to tell you, I had constant diarrhea, it didn’t feel good. They also have these places to play xbox and PS2. It’s a pretty good deal, 3bux an hour. God of War is an awesome fucking game. While I was there I met a Chinese person that wanted to play WoW on the American server, I was like why?? Then I found out, he is a real Chinese gold farmer. He was pretty cool, nerdy as Steve’s dad though. Anyway I helped him get WoW rolling, but you can’t enter cd keys or any kind of keys because the WoW site does an IP check and disallows entry from China. Oh well I hope him well farming gold then selling it. Don’t worry isn’t using arin’s account, he is using one of mines
Ok, this deal was only available to Frank, but hey Steve is a good friend to me. They have these cartridges you buy in China that holds 25 NDS games. You just plug into your computer and load up NDS games. You can erase them and add new ones. It costs 400 Chinese dollars, not 200, 200 was for a normal cartridge with one game, why would anyone buy that????? SO yeah, if you want me to buy you one, my email is chinosk8r@yahoo.com, for paypal. Exchange rate right now is 7.4, 400/7.4= 54 dollars, so just pay me 50 dollars, Steve I promise I’ll get it to you, I am doing you a favor, and I won’t steal your money, and no, I won’t keep it for a long time, I’ll give it to you the Saturday I get back, cause that’s my B-day celebration!
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First of all, I think I lost my MP3 player :), ok I went to a internet cafe and finally got into a dota room, I went domintaing with SK, then everyone left of course. Then I played Dota with my counsin, he thought it was like another war3 game so he picked zues and bought mask of death and 3 gloves haste, he got owned pretty bad, it was sad :( QQ. WE went to my anut's house, her house looked really nice and crap, but surpisingly her salary is only about 1k a month, I was like WTF. Short episode ok bye
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Ok a bunch ahppened to me the last few days, but I am too tired to talk about it, I stopped doing these episodes regularly since i got dota working, but what happened tonight is worth telling. By the way, at the showers of a public swimming, I learned that my penis looks very different from other chinese penises.
OK I went to my aunt's house for the birthday of my grandpa. Whatever they ate and shit, and my grandpa finihsed eating, then my dad, aunt, uncle and a friend of my aunt's started drinking, they downed the equivilant of 18 bottles of beer and a bottle of whiskey. Of course my grandpa, grandma and 2 others pitched in for a bottle or 2, but most of the alcohol was consumed by those 4. They were very drunk, I saw me dad laughing at random shit like me, and my aunt was well drunk. She kept on draggin peoplw who stopped drinking back into teh drinking scene
I drank an "estrello" red wine, I drank about teh equivleant of 1/2 of the cup I use to eat clam choder at Julian's house. It was very bitter and not very good. I took about 5,6 tablespoons at a time, and drank it slowly. While I was getting one cup, my aunt caught me, and was like "Brother, lok at your son, he is drinkin' some boooooze" My dad got mad, but then my aunt was like come he is in China dn some shit like that, so I kept on drinking it. Anyway, dirnking the red wine did nothing for me, as I am still able to type shit without backspacing, whoops jsut backspaced there. Ok Frank I lost, I never got drunk, but I might get drunk on thursday, when I go "partying" with my counsin.
Right now, me dad, uncle aunt and aunt's friend are at my ant's house prolly downing a few more crates of beer, they were joking at how ittle they were drinking and laughed when somone said they had too much. I suspect my dad to not get drunk at all, my aunt ends up on a girl's gone wild video, she is pretty good-looking, my uncle not get drunk, beacuse he has too much tolenreance to alcohol and my aunt's friend with my aunt on teh video. Just to say, everyone in my dad's famfily can drink, like they can really drink
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OK, Dylan you said how I drank a small amount of alcohol in episode 6, well I did better thsi time. THe night befroe last, I went with my aunt to congratulate someone, whose child got into a really good college, I drank 10-11 glasses of wine. FOr the first time, I actaully felt dizzy form drinking. I tried to walk on a carck in teh sidewalk after dinner, could not do it.
OK, that was teh night before last, now last night. MY counsin came home around 7 from KFC with 2 good-looking chicks, and a friend of his. So he asked if I wanted to go ahng out with them, I was like ok sure whatever. First, they thought of me as an "object of great interest", you guys can prolly think of a better word there, but I can't. I have a very limited voacabulary. Anyone the friend of my counisn went off with another group.
If any of you know me, I am actually shy as fuck. If you see em meet someon I don't know, I barely say anyhting, just a cool hey, at the begginnning. If you ever noticed, when you introduc me to someone I never knew, I barely say anything at all, but if I know them, even through BNet, I become my normal self. BUt I need to know them for quite a while to not be a shyguy off to the side.
OK, so we walked to the Yellow River, I was pretty much silent along the way, I wouldn't relaly comment on anyhting cause I didn't know how to say it, and I didn't know if anythign I would say would be funny. I expected me to say a joke but I used the wrong Chinese and everyone just looks at me. SO basically I was super silent until about 50 yards from teh Yellow River, I saw a shop, I went in and bought a bottle of beer, beer bottle in CHian is bigger than beer bottles in USA, they are 500 ml. SUddenly, I could comment on stuff, and make od jokes which no one understood. Beer loosened my lips YEAH!! I even sugested SPin the Bottle, (as a joke). I think they believe AMerican people are sluts :P Anyway, the 2 chicks were about a yeard older than me and one was planning to become a doctor and the other a teacher. I asked for thier names, but quickly forgot, it ins't like in USA how thier are prolly 200 first names, in CHina everyn name is unique, kind of like Indian names.
THen we walked to the lake and sat down to drink some beverages, I asked for a beer, cause I was out a while ago, and I started to get quiet. THen, one of the ladies asked for a beer, so I bought everyone a round, I relaly wanted to say "This rounds on me", but I dind't know how to say that. SO we drank, I was the first to finish. AFter a while, everyone was done and we played spin the bottle, except whoever got spinned had to hold out thier ahnd and everyone smacked his or her hand. This was a stupid game, then one of the girld span te bottle and it hit one of the glasses on teh table and it cut teh other girl's hand and foot. The one of my counsin's friend came. THey went off to buy her some disinfectant or whatever, and I was there by ymself wiht teh 2 chicks. MY beer was out, and it was quite awkward. I tried to sit there looking cool, but the chair was really low and it didn't work. I kept on grunting at thier questions cause I didn't understand what they asked me, I was like "MMM, yeah, yeah"
After my counsin came back, we walked home, When we got to my grandma's house, they said bye to me, but they kept on wlaking wiht my counsin, dman it they ditched me, FUCK. That si how I ended my day, they ditched me. OK comment please
HEy here is teh vent info
209.247.212.37
3819
MEet me at 11:00 PM tonight, your time and we'll paly some dota or whatever, but get into vent first, cause I'll be in vent before warcraft, see ya soon, please comment on this episode
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MINI EPISODE
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In terms of coolness, I am below average, not like in the states where I am under the carpet.
Anyone grls think that I am nice and uhh... cute, cause I can't really speak chinese, but I am uber nice. I think not talking helped, if I could talk, I'll just ruin it in general. Anyone this girl invited me to hike up a famous mountain around here, its going to take all morning, my counsin is coming and a firned of hers are coming also, but the important thing was that she asked me first then asked me if we should invite them. I am acutally a very fun person when I get drunk, without beer, I can't talk for shit and grunts occasionally, and then they ask me did you know what I said, I am like uh, what? Last night, I drank 1.5 liters of beer, yes 1.5 liters. Thats 3/4 of a big coke bottle. Anyone I know a girl who might think I am cute, and yeah....
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Today was a great day, it was mucho amounts of fun. I found somehting funner then playing computer its called hanging out. Not our kind of hanging out where we sit in a dimly lit room watchign electrons pass through tube and moving our fingers in uniform motion contrilling a non-existant person. Today I got up at 5 and we are goign to hike up a mountin with 2 girls and my counsin. I wore a skin-tiight black shirt and some shorts, funny thin I looked good init. I have actualy abs, like you can clearly define the 6 parts and decently muscular arms. ITs wierd, china makes you buff, or at least shape up a bit
We took the bus, but missed our exit, so we alked backa station, when we called teh 2 girls, they said they were still riding. Then we called again, and learned, they got off, but we din't see them, we got off at the wrong place, and we had to go for like 5-6 more stops. Then we took a van up the mountin to our destination. WE brought mucho food and I brought a bottle of red wine. WE hiked for a long time, stopping once in a while at a rest stop until we got ot teh top, a waterfall.
Ok, this is where wine prolly fucked up my judgement, maybe even for the better :). The red wine we brought was relaly bad, and I drank most of it, the girls didn't want to drink it, so I went in the water and walked around, then I decided to swim, I took off my shirt and swam/walked to the waterfall. First of all, if I was sober, I would not even have thought of this idea. Then one of the girls, the one I have a small crush on, lets just call her girl A, cause I know you'll make up funny thing about her name, its not wierd but its like you'll calling my be my name CHuyuan, you are bound to find some jokes relating to it, let me give you some help if you can't, Choo-choo train, chew, pikachuyuan. Anyways, she walkedin but dind't want to go over to teh waterfall, cause she doesn't want tog et wet, but she slipped so she was like what the hell, so I brought her over and took some pictures.
Then we hiked down to a little house-thingy, and my counsin and girl B, stayed, so me and girl A hiked up another way, we hiked for a bit, but we never got to anyhting and came back.
Oh yeah, oh thrusday, dos days from now, I am going wiht girl A, to sail down a river on a infaltable thingy with her classmates. Anyways in China, I discoverd that I am a pretty cool perosn, I just have certain problems, mainly, height and my fat mouth, since in China , I cna't relaly say much I cna't say soemthing obscene and ruin it, and therefore people think that I am those cool reclusive, but ready to help out type.
Oh a totally unrelated topic, I donmt' I just thought of this though randomly, I repaet this ahs nothing to do with anyhting here in China:
There is this relaly hot chick at school and she liked you, and tonight she was going to do it wiht you, you two go out into the country. First of all she is a wierd gothic type, but she si uber hot, and you are all virgins liek you are. she goes into a cowfield slaughter a cow(its at night), and and rips out all its organs, then she take off her clothe and lie the the spilled guts of the cow. Now she says come ______, fuck me. Would you? Again, this has nothing to do wiht anyhting in China, I heard this on a website and though it was an interesting question
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MINI REPORT
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Ok, I got this email from Girl A, the one that I like, and it had this sentence, translate?
"To be the host,maybe I have something that you can't be satisfied with me.But I will try my best."
ok here is my drinking report, I am only tellign about teh most I've drank of this kind of alcoholic beverage
9 classes of red wine-13-15% alcohol
3 bottles of 500ml beer
125ml of 45% whiskey - 56.25ml of pure alcohol
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FINAL EPISODE
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Ok here we go my last episode. MAybe there might be one more, but anyways lets just assume this si the last one.
My birthday wasn't very fun at all, I have to say, it was below mediocre, but one cool thing happened. OK here I go
At around 5:30-ish we all went to the restuarant and my aunt helped us book a room. There were initally only 4 coming me my counisn and the 2 chicks. Then my counsin invited 2 other chicks and my cother counsin(female) came, cuase my aunt was like, "hey why didn't you bring my daughter?" Ok, it was a little crowded I have to say. Anyways we ate and I drank some beer(1 liter) and it was boring, cause I couldn't say shit. THen I went out to pay the bill (144) and gave a 10 dollar tip to the waitress, she was like oh you forgot your money, cause no one gives tips in China, I feel sorry for waitresses. I got 2 presents from Girl A and B, and little stuffed panda and a mickey cup. On our way out, Girl A(one who I like) got a phone call from her parents teeling her to come home, her dad is in teh army or something(commander) and he comes home like once a month or whatever. She's like I have to go at 8
Then we went to go kareoking, while we were discussing teh price, she got another call from hoem saying coem home right now. So she was like I am so sorry and I had to go. After she was out of site I... Ok we are gogin to freeze time for a bit. This is the moment which I personally thought was really cool, it's like whoever did this wasn't me. When Julian hear this he'll open his mouth and smack his forehead, shut his eyes real tight and go "got damn it Bob" I am right, right? Steve will be like, I don't really care I just bought a computer for a bunch of money, Dylan will do a silly laugh and will think about splunking and arin will be like "Wow, holy craps....You can hook through cliffs?". It's prolly not as big as you think it is, but it was for me, cause I thought it was really cool :). OK unpause. I asked my counsin how much was the kareoke booth, he said arouns 100-something. I opened my wallet and took out 200 dollars and threw it at him, and I ran after Girl A, They were like, where you going? "I am going to walk her home" Anyways, I reached her and she was like you should be going back and blah..blah..blah.. I was like I said I am walking you home and that's final. And then she was you should be having fun back there, I was liek its not relaly fun wihtout you. (it was actually really, relaly, boring at the kareoke place) We took a bus, then I walked her to where she lived and said goodbye, I asked her if she had anythign to do the next few days. SO basically if she didn't, I was liek we should go to teh park just you and me, and I won't drink :)
Ok Irode a taxi back it to teh kareoke place(oh yeah,I relaly had to pee, 1 liter of beer in 30 minutes really fills your bladder)
it was relaly boring, only my 2 counisns and Girl b were there. There weren't any english songs I knew, they were like some songs by Pink and britney spears, I was like dammit, no James BLunt? Anyways at 9:30 my dad was liek come home! (on all the other days, my dad was out with his friends or was in NAnjing) I was liek WTF, I didn't relaly put up much of an arguement cause it wasn't relaly fun. I went home the end
I guess I'll see you at home the next time I tell you of a tale, unless Girl A actually accepts my offer and goes to the park with me, then that would be a good story to tell. ANyways this is Bob signing off
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
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